worst dates

Man up!

A blind date took me to a basketball game and bragged about his new Cadillac with the ‘off-the-hook’ rims the whole time. Unfortunately, on the way home, his tricked-out car got a flat tire. He called AAA, but they told him they couldn’t come out for another hour and a half. Well, I just couldn’t take another minute with this dude—in addition to his boasting, he was also very touchy-feely with me during the game—so I offered to change the tire myself. Yes, I got down on all fours, in my heels and my favorite pair of designer jeans, and changed his funky tire. Meanwhile, he just stood over me crying about how his rims got messed up in the process.

I flushed myself in the toilet.

On a night out with my girls, I met a nice guy at the club. He seemed like the perfect gentleman: buying me drinks and dancing with me all night. He was a little rough around the edges, but it made him even sexier to me. We exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for a week before arranging to meet again in person. After a few oversize margaritas at a restaurant, it seemed like we were really hitting it off. But something changed when the bill came. My date excused himself to the restroom. I didn’t get alarmed until 20 minutes or more had passed. I even went to look for him, and called his cell phone, which was turned off. He’d slipped out the door, leaving me to pay the tab! I haven’t heard from him since, but if I ever run into him, he owes me an explanation and $20 bucks.

I bet you this card won’t work.

On one date, the guy suggested we go for dinner. When the waitress came with the bill, he gave her his credit card and then said to me, ‘It probably won’t work because it’s expired.’ He told me that he had a new card but hadn’t activated it yet. Right. Mind you, I’d already told him that I had just gotten laid off and was living off of unemployment and savings. The only alternative he suggested was to go back to his job ten blocks away and ask his coworkers for some petty cash. When the waitress came back and told us his card had been declined, I was thoroughly embarrassed. I paid for the meal and made that the end of the evening—and the end of us dating.

Self-employed means he’s a drug dealer.

I met Tyrese while car shopping. We went on a few dates and he was pretty quiet about what he did but he did tell me that he was self employed in sales. I figured he must do pretty well, as he always dressed nice and drove a Benz. He was rather quiet over all, so I didn’t press the issue.

After date four he asked me if I would like to go back to his house and I agreed. A few blocks from his house I noticed he kept looking in his mirror and I asked if everything was OK.

He tells me, “I think that’s a cop following me.” I look out my mirror and see there isn’t just one cop car. There’s three cop cars. It was at that point I realize the helicopter over head had been above us for several blocks.

We get by his house and suddenly the cop lights are on, the helicopter spot light is on and there is a man with a large gun pointed at me through the window.

People are screaming “Get on the ground!” and I’m being pulled from the car.

Several background checks later I’m given bail.

Many months later, who calls me but Tyrese. He’s set for parole in two months and would I be interested in getting together? Right before I hung up he says, “I bet you never experienced anything like that before!”

And never again Tyrese, never again.

Momma says to be home by ten.

Kyle was a co-worker of mine and we always had good conversation. After some encouraging from our co-workers we went on a date.

Kyle didn’t have a car so I agreed to pick him up. I show up at his house and he tells me that I have to meet his parents. A little odd, ok a lot odd but whatever. I impress his parents and we’re on our way out the door. It was then I hear, “Have my baby home by 10!”

I think she’s joking, Kyle tells me she’s not.

We eat at a steak house, where Kyle proceeds to tell me that I am making him feel like a pig because I ordered a lot less food than him. Yes well you’re a 6’4 man and I am not. It’s not like I ordered a crouton and some water! My steak and baked potato is enough for me, thank you.

During basic getting to know you conversation, I ask him if he has any siblings. He tells me this horrific story about how his brother died and then lectures me on asking him.

I’m so sorry, I left my mind reading skills at home.

Next it’s on to a movie. I suggest something in the Rated R category. He suggests a Disney Movie instead. I agree and he steps up to the window and loudly says, “One please.”

He then turns to me and says, “My mom said I shouldn’t pay for both of us for everything.”

And did mommy also say there isn’t going to be a second date? Because there’s not.

Pizza is Italian!

Sharell and I met in a music store at the mall. He was passing out CD’s with a crappy album cover. I told him I could design him a better one and we started talking. He told me he was signed to a label that didn’t spend much time on new artists album covers.
After some more talking he asked me on a date, and I agreed.

The night of the date, I was dressed casually in some jeans and a sweater. 30 minutes past the time we had agreed for him to pick me up, he calls to tell me his driver is running late.

I hang up and scream, “OH MY GOD HE’S PICKING ME UP IN A LIMO!”

I change faster than any woman usually changes for a date. By the time he arrives, I look like I’m going to the damn prom.

I open the door and in my driveway is… a taxi.

OK, my fault for hugely over reacting.

So I get into the taxi (which he didn’t bother to get out of, by the way) and he says, “So do you like Italian? I’m going to take us to a great Italian place.”
We pull up to Pizza Hut.

After we eat our pizza he says to me, “Um my deal hasn’t actually come through yet and I spent all my money on the taxi. Can you get this?”

I ended up paying for both the pizza, and the taxi back home.

Did I mention that I live with my mum and that I’m grounded?

I met this guy at Starbucks. There was only one table left with two chairs. He offered me the other chair and we started talking. After a bit, we exchange numbers and go on our way.

A week later he calls me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I agree and we set up a date.

The day of the day he calls me and asks if we could have a change of plans. Instead of going out, I agree to go to his house. I end up driving to the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere. Literally between a corn field and a bean field.

I ask him why I had to drive there, he wasn’t sick and his car wasn’t broke. He tells me, “My mom grounded me.”

I was stunned into silence for a moment and then asked, “You are 21 right?”

He assures me he is, and then asked me why.

Oh I don’t know, maybe because your mom grounded you!

Obviously, there was no second date.

story found here

My Worst Date

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